this is about the first online journal i've had.. and i usually just use Microsoft word for my thoughts etc... i always feel so much better just writing down my thoughts and troubles etc..

but recently i've always wanted someone to comment on it.. sometimes i send it to a close friend to read... or i just comment on it myself. but my boyfriend got me to use this site.. so i thought why not? it'd mean that i write down my thoughts / troubles.. AND i get people commenting on it!

 what i've always wanted!

but once i posted it i left it a few hours.. and then i read it back to myself.. and i realised how i portray me and my boyfriend..

 i honestly do like him a LOT.. and i hate that things come between us.. usually its the game we play.. he's a lot better player than me.. apart from the few mistakes he makes! but i do have my ways of playing it.. and we clash a fair bit..

but in the end we both realise that its a game.. and that us together is real life... so which should be believed more? of course! real life!!

when i went to stay with him, all my friends wanted all the info when i got back.. but i was too happy to say anything!! my next door neighbour was shocked and thought i'd be bouncing off the walls with information.. well i was.. but i just didnt know how to say it.

he made me more happy in that 11 days than i have been in a long time... ive been having troubles at work.. but he made me forget that..

i felt so comfortable with him everything was like i wished it would be. 

i dont know if he always felt the same way, and im sure i annoyed him being on the computer, talking to family, friends.. etc..

i dont regret not doing many touristy things.. i suppose it just means i have to go back again and again..

it was nice spending time with him and being different time than usual..

although he took up over half the bed!! it was nice to have someone next to me to cuddle in the morning when i wake up.. besides my teddy bear!!

i liked pampering him when he got ill.. i went to the shops to get him some of my home remedies.. and i missed him lots..

he brought me some nice chocolates that i am still unsure of eating.. i've had some.. but i dunno.. their too nice and i want them to last as long as possible.. because then i guess i can remember how i got them for longer..

i could go on for hours but i dont think i should!! but i just wanted to Retract my last post, as i do love him.. and i guess i was just a little upset.. x

again.. im on here moaning about men..

im not really sure where else to turn, so i thought i'd just write it down .. maybe calm myself down.

well me and my boyfriend have been together for over 7 months now.. and only just recently stayed together.. i went to his house and stayed for 11 days... i felt comfortable with him.. like i could be there for a lot longer..

its not like my relationship with my mum where i SOMETIMES tell her things and usually actually dont... but with him.. for some reason i always feel that i can tell him everything..

when i stayed at his house.. of course, we were safe in the bedroom department... but like a few girls in the world who arent too sure with themselves.. need a lil encouragement and a lot of nice advice.. im one of those girls who get scared of the baby threat..

i have always heard the girl talk of "if you EVER think you could be pregnant.. then dont consult the boyfriend... it is your choice."

but of course i did.. and i finally realised why girls say that... and i dont actually know where my relationship still lies...

but i dont know why... call me stupid ... but he just seemed to pressure me.. its a hard time for both of us obviously.. neither of us are ready for it..

but he told me that if i was pregnant... it would be him or the baby.

if i was. and i kept it... i would probably never see him again.

i just wanted a lil support.. i dont know if that was being unreasonable...

i know he doesnt want a baby.. i dont either...

i understand the christian saying that it isnt the babies fault.. so why punish it..

but if you're not ready.. then you're not ready.

i dont wanna pressure him in to anything he dont wanna do.. but i dont wanna be pressured either!

why cant men get that?? xx 

Well i've just been thinking lately.. and its wierd and annoying how soo many of my ex boyfriends / shag partners...

basically tell me go fuk off... then a couple of months / weeks / years later..

they come back. acting like nothing happened...

dont it piss you off ?!?!!

i mean first of all ...  there was my ex.. Malcolm
he's a lot older than me.. and the end of August 2004.. he disappeared from my life..

then i was chilling up at Lancaster when i get a phone call... just about 23 months after he disappeared... and all be it.. when he found out he werent gonna get anything.... he disappeared again!!!

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then there was Chris!!! ... he Cheats on his girlfriends all the time... never on me though! haha

but one day i faked being my new boyfriend on msn.. and he told my "new boyfriend" that he'd never touch me cos im ugly .. got aids.. blah blah blah!!

but now he's back at me going omg!! hey stranger.... acting like NOTHING HAS HAPPENED!! .. lol.

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theres other people who have done this to me... but those two i think are enough for you to get the picture...

although once... i have returned that booty call... i think its pointless you guys even trying to get any from me... if you want to do anything... then DONT CALL ME WIERD!!! cos i am just different! lol.. aint weird.. nore ugly...
you may think so... but you would be that one in a million that thinks that way about me..

yes.. say what you feel and think... totally agree with that.. but then dont disappear on me for a while then come back actin like you never said that to me.. it just aint right!


now for anyone reading this... please type what your booty calls have been like.. lol.


Love And Light .. Aleris x